By Soonwoo Kwon | The Miilk
Kim Seung-hee, 40, a native of South Korea, and Daniel Pan, aged 43, a Vietnamese American, have been married for 15 years and live in San Jose, Ca. Both asked that their real names not be used for this story.
“Actually, I did not take the issue of racial discrimination seriously because I live in California,” Ms. Kim recalls. But once, while strolling together in predominantly white Gilroy, she noticed white children whispering and laughing. “I thought it was just children’s play, but later I heard from my husband that ‘behavior such as whispering in a language I don’t know is like racism.’”
From the time they decided to marry, Kim and Pan faced racial and religious barriers. Kim’s father objected to her husband being of Vietnamese descent. Her mother opposed the marriage because the couple came from different religions.
Kim was asked to bow to her deceased ancestors in accordance with Vietnamese tradition in her husband’s home. She refused, citing her Christian faith, and earned the reputation of an unpleasant daughter-in-law.
When the two were married at City Hall, her parents-in-law did not come. “This situation lasted 10 years,” Kim says and changed only after Kim agreed to bow to her deceased ancestors.
Kim says she never felt much of a cultural difference with her husband. “I think it’s because he grew up in the United States so was used to living with people of different races and cultures.”
Before their marriage, he promised to go to church with her and they have been attending until now. “He was even baptized,” she said.
Kim enjoys both Korean and American food but can’t eat Vietnamese food. Her husband, on the other hand, “eats everything well.” Kim taught him how to cook Korean food and now he cooks it well too. Both her children bear her surname, not her husband’s – something Kim says her husband suggested after seeing his wife struggling to give birth.
Ever since graduating from college 20 years ago, Mr. Pan has worked as an elementary school teacher, with a mission to teach his students how to acknowledge differences in life and live in harmony with diversity.
They have two children now, ages 2 1/2 and 6 months, and use English and Korean alternately.
“My husband always talks about racism, about how all white people are also immigrants to the U.S. and are taught in school that it is not right to have a sense of superiority and to discriminate against other races just because they came to the U.S. early. Maybe our children will be educated like this as they grow up,” Ms. Kim says.
“In America, rather than differences in culture, I just think that each individual is different,” Mr. Pan says. “Since so many races live together in the United States, the racial classification itself is the beginning of discrimination. “There is a way,” he added.
This article is part of the Love Across Colorlines series, a collaboration of 20+ ethnic media outlets looking at interracial marriage in California at a time of rising hate. Visit Love Across Colorlines to see more in the series.
